Sunday, April 19, 2009

Final Essay For this Term------Canadian Study

Exploration can create conflict and misunderstanding.

_____Everything that people did have a process, whether the consequence is advantageous or not, people who were involved into the process would pay through it, just like people explored the land for their country. Exploration can develop a country but also create conflict and misunderstanding. Animals would suffer a lot because of the strangers who explored their home, different culture and custom created misunderstanding during the exploration and the Native people would face to leave their land or might be die.
_____Animals became the victims in the explorations. The Sea Mink, which used to live in the coastal waters of Newfoundland but now it was eradicated by the fur trade. It was not the only victim, a great deal of animals died by the exploring. Jacques Cartier is one of the famous explorers who traveled around North Passage and discovered those abundant animals in New found land. He exchanged the goods of furs with the Native people by using irons. It’s a disastrous conflict for the nature. Quite soon, the furs of these poor animals became to the clothes, hats and bags for ornamenting people's body in western countries. There fore, the conflict between people and animals was set up by explorations.
_____ Moreover, the matter of exploration created a cultural misunderstanding between the Native people and the British. Comparing those two societies, when the Britain was developing speedily at that time, the Native people still retained customs in primitive way. The completely different cultures between those two kinds of people, creates misunderstandings. They are both stranger to each other, different appearance and language set up a difficult communication when John Cabot discovered the New found land at the first time. The way that the Native people entertained others was such strange action for the English. Before this exploration, the Native people haven't seen the guns or cannon anymore and the English couldn't believe that human can use pigments to represent clothes on their skins. Hence, there must exist the misunderstanding between the English and Native people because of their different cultures.
_____After the misunderstanding, the real conflict occurred on this peaceful land.An important case of this point was the desire of the English. The fertile land and suitable environment inflame their king's desire to possess the land. In addition, the weapon and technology of the Native people were made sure by the John Cabot during the exploration. Everything about them was much more backward than the English. There was no room for doubt on warfare. The two sides in the war were both in harm, but the catastrophe came down to the Native people could not be averted. The Native people suffered disasters of losing their relations, property and even if their life. The cadavers of Native people can be awarded everywhere; their house and farm were burned away. A foul atmosphere covered the whole land...There fore; the cause of this cruel conflict is the exploration from England.
_____All in all, even if captured a land is benefit for the country to develop faster, the process may create lots of conflict and misunderstands. Because of the exploration, people brought on disasters on others are unfair. Exploring is advantageous for people to comprehend the world and expanding the knowledge, but it also can bring the conflict if you put it on the wrong side.

1 comment:

  1. Focus 4/4
    You really have a plan in mind when you are writing. I can see how you are on topic from the beginning to the end. Although you have a very creative idea by discussing about animals, but you manage to stay on topic. That is not easy to do!

    Organization 3.5/4
    I see all of your body paragraphs clearly.
    I see your thesis statement.
    The thesis statement makes sense and matches your essay.
    Work on your conclusion to make it a very good and powerful ending. The introduction is stronger.

    Content 4/4
    I like the way you approach this topic!

    Usage 3.5/4
    Some little mistakes. Make sure to read your essay after you type it. You can have a friend check it or you can read it out loud.
    Overall, your mistakes don't change the meaning of what you want to say.

    Style 3/4
    Don't begin a sentence with "because". It is a conjunction. Use it to join two sentences.
    Try using higher level vocabulary. Instead of "lots of", try using "increasing amounts of".

    Overall, you are getting better at writing your essay. I like the way you can write both narrative and expository quite well.

    18/20 x 2 = 36/40

    Excellent job!

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